sábado, 11 de julio de 2015

To be or not to be....

Since I’ve been working about my shyness to improve  (I’m not only shy but introverted too XD ), I’ve been reading a lot, even more than I normally do.  Some of the areas I’ve read are about: PNL, Emotional Intelligence, leadership, management, time management, coaching, perfectionism, written about shyness from different points of view, social media, how to deal with hard people, etc…When more I found, more interesting themes and books appeared!

I’ve been putting in practice lately some of the things learned slowly.  Today I wanted to do something big! So, before I left home today to go to the park to make a walk, I thought:  -“Ok! I’m open for the new good experiences I can find in the way!”, and I left home with a little smile.

First thing that happened was some guys near at my home told me some kind words about my look: I was wearing sport clothes, no make up, a pony tail (normally I never take my hair out of my face because I do not like to show my ears, don’t ask me why!! XDD ).  Normally, my reaction should be a shy thanks, blush and hurry my steps. I took a deep breath, smile to them and just said: thank you!  I thought: -“If they had the courage to say something kind, why don’t accept their kindness?”

When I arrived to the park, there were many people practicing something like boxing and kicking discipline with music.  I stayed some minutes looking at them and then an old lady told me: -I would like to do it too, but I don’t feel comfortable doing it alone, would you like to try with me?  My first thought was “I don’t think so” but I changed it immediately with: Why not?

Five minutes later I was kicking and punching on the air and having fun (in my mind I punched and kicked so many things and people that deserve a big one! XDDD )  I stayed there around 15 minutes having fun and I continued my walking, meanwhile the old lady continued having a lot of fun.

In my way, I found a group of guys very differents:  they had weird costumes (not cosplayers, punkies or rockers…I’m use to with that kind of costumes and it’s normal for me!), it was a group around 15 guys and girls, with funny hats, make up, some of them wearing like clowns, singing together but the weird there was not children with them.  I couldn’t avoid staring to them and suddenly, the one that looked like the leader of the group invited me to join to them.  I was very surprised and I didn’t know what to do!  He put me a paper crown and he said:  -You are the Queen for 60 seconds, which one is your first and unique order Your Highness?  I was in shock, so I tried to follow them and the first thing that came to my mind was: -Well…hug a tree!  And everyone was running to look for a tree to hug!!  That made me laugh hard!  One of them began to yell: -My tree has ants!  I answer to him:  -Hug them!  They deserve it too!  And he replied:  -No need to hug them!  They are walking over me!  Every one began to laugh.

I stayed with them a long time, making jokes, pranking.  An old man with a baby looked at us and shout us with a big smile: -Good morning!!  And we replied to him in the same way!  They explained to me they are a group of people with some stress, depression, anxiety and even cancer problems that make something like a laughing therapy and they meet to have fun and play like a children to release the problems.  It was very touching for me and I’m very grateful to met them.  They invited me to join to them next Saturday if I go to the park again.

I continued my walk.  I entered with a shy smile on my face to the park, at this point I had a very big smile and like magic, almost all the people that I faced replied with a smile to me and even a very kind Hello.

I sat under my favorites trees, and I took my little notebook I was carrying in my belt bag.  I began to write about things I’ve been able to do during this time I’m working on my shyness behavior.  These were the points:

  1. Turn off the boiler:  Too many pressure at work, personal problems, economic situation, my damaged pc, the economy of my country…all of these was making me feel like my chest was a boiler near to explode.  My chest was really hurting when I left home and I couldn’t breathe freely.  At this moment, I was breathing freely, there was no pain in my chest and my heart was not only light, but enlighten with all the kindness of the people I found.
  2. Don’t fight, face: I’ve been fighting again shyness since 9 years old.  I did some advances but never could be as open as I would like it.  I found a trainer in leadership that he admits he is introverted, but he is not shy and he makes awesome exposures about leadership!  I realized when you fight something you reinforce it; you have to admit it first, recognize it, and then begin to make the plan to change it at your own rhythm.  It is very motivational to see your first progresses and that give you strength to continue doing thing even bigger.
  3. Managing emotions: It’s amazing how you attract situations and knowledge when you are ready and open to experience it. I wondered how to test my maturity in emotional intelligence.  Normally, I’m very quiet.  I resist too much from the people and I never show my emotions, but inside I’m dying! XD Things affect me more than the people around me could imagine.  So I began to learn how manage this.  And life put me on the way around 4-5 very rude, unkind and bitter people.  The first one experience not only made me feel sad, depressed, tired, and very upset but I knew I didn’t managed it correctly and my though was:  Well, next time will be better.  Next experiences were better and better, I exposed myself on purpose to study their reactions and mine and now I don’t feel upset by the things that people do, don’t affect me more that I want and I even feel compassion for them because not all people knows how to deal with emotions and we don’t know what kind of experiences they had.  This doesn’t mean I passed the test, just I’m beginning to learn how deal with the emotions, not take it personally, and how they act is their problem, not mine.
  4. Open for help, not close yourself:  A very good friend, let me see when I have a problem, I closed inside of myself and I isolate until I find the solution. And just until that point, I open again to the people.  I always thought I was doing it to protect others, but I don’t let the solution comes quicker without receive help.
  5. Destroying barriers:  Normally, I don’t touch people more than a shake hands. When I was with the group I realized that lately, I’ve been touching more the people on shoulders or arms when I’m talking or giving them comfort without feel uncomfortable and even without realize about it.  I wander when I began to do it!

I continued my walk and in the entry of the park, were everything began I met a guy that is from other state and it was his first time in the park!  We kept talking long time like if we have years knowing to each other.

I wanted to share all of this because I have many friends that are dealing with shyness.  Only if you have experience it, you could understand how hard and frustrating can be try and try to surpass that crystal wall with the world. 

And if you have a friend that is shy, don’t push him/her, it’s not helpful tell them how shy they are, that hurts them even more and lead them to depression. Just respect them, encourage them for their succeeds even if they are minimum and don’t make jokes with their weaknesses unless they let you do it.  That support is even more priceless.